


Don't Drag Your Feet

by Aho_Mika_Baka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Coming to terms with one's life, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Mentiones of killing, Missing Scenes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Snippets of Loki's arc, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23612923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aho_Mika_Baka/pseuds/Aho_Mika_Baka
Summary: He grew up to be a prince. Always a prince. Never a warrior or a king. Just a prince.Snippets of Loki's life over the years, starting from when he was just a little child.
Relationships: Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Don't Drag Your Feet

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in quite a while, because apparently I fell under the wheels of a train called Life. I am not making any excuses and I'm trying to pick myself up to start writing for fun again. This little fic is going to be a start (a start that I had sitting in my 'incomplete' folder), so I may be a bit rusty.
> 
> This story is more of a collection of scenes that I think were missing from the films or needed a bit more background to them. Loki is one of the most complex characters to write about (but I enjoy discovering new sides and perspectives), so naturally, I wanted to explore his experiences and everything he has gone through over the years.
> 
> I hope this fic gives an insight into my mind and Loki's world, as the two merge together in those 2000 something words.
> 
> By the way, the whole of this fic was inspired by [THIS](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/82/24/51/822451f87a47218896978b1c4f2a736e.jpg) amazing artwork by someone I couldn't for the life of me track down, I'm sorry. If anyone happens to know the author of this lovely piece of art, please let me know so I can credit them!
> 
> A little warning though: the story can get a bit dark at times with mentiones of mind control, killing, possible abuse.
> 
> And I apologise in advance for any typos and grammar or spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.
> 
> I do not own the characters or the films (from which I have loaned some dialogue), only this story.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

He grew up to be a prince. Always a prince. Never a warrior or a king. Just a prince.

„ _Loki, darling, don’t drag your feet,_ “ said Frigga with a small smile as he heard the soft scrape of boots on the tiled floor behind her.

„But mother, Thor always does that. You never scold him,“ Loki whined but arranged his steps to walk near silently.

„Thor is a warrior, Loki,“ she reasoned, even though she knew the small prince would not be happy with the answer. „And a prince never whines.“

That’s how his days passed. Tagging along his mother and spending hours practicing his seidr. Sitting in the garden for extended periods of time, hidden behind rose bushes and lying under willow trees. The sun gently warming his pale skin, the wind caressing his locks and the grass tickling his fingers. At every free moment he slipped off his boots and felt the ground under his soles. That was the freedom he could grant himself when alone. The moment he could sense the presence of another, small hands tugged the boots back over his feet. Because that’s how a prince should look like.

In winters the days went by with Loki lingering between the tall bookshelves in the library, slender fingers tracing the bindings and memorizing each title and author. Eyes running over the ancient runes in old spell books, his mother right there, sitting beside him patiently while his brother ran around outside in the fresh cool snow.

He was a quick learner by nature. He liked learning about new things. Nearly anything made him curious. He loved having mother by his side, watching over him, teaching him.

„Hold your head up, you don’t want your crown to fall off,“ Frigga explained while interrupting his walk.

„It would be a helmet, not a crown, mother,“ the prince answered, serious, even when Frigga smiled at him affectionately.

„A prince does not argue with their parents,“ she lectured as Loki sighed. This was going to be a long day.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

One snowy day, the second prince had once again found his way to the library, arms full of books of every kind when he finally sat down near the large window. Laying the first book open on the desk before him, his eyes searched for the words on the pages. His focus faltered shortly though, when a roar reached his ears from outside the walls of the castle. Bright green eyes shifted from the printed letters to the window. Another yell and curiosity got the best of him. The young prince stood from his seat and made his way around the desk to peer through the glass. Turned out the screams had belonged to his brother and the three warriors he had as companions.

The boys were galloping around the freshly fallen snow, bombarding each other with icy orbs, their fingers and noses tinged with red. They looked so carefree and terribly joyous. Loki’s shoulders slumped visibly as his eyes were stuck to his brother having fun.

„Stand straight, my dear. No prince should ever slump that way.“ Frigga. Loki hadn’t noticed her entering the grand room. He squared his shoulders, pulled them back and straight as he turned around without last glance at the outside fun. „I am sorry, mother.“

Frigga stepped closer and smiled softly. Her hands fell on Loki's arms as she instructed. „Elbows out, stomach in, fingers relaxed, long neck,“ she said, fingers reaching up to tilt the young prince's chin. „Higher, higher, higher.. There. Now, walk.“

Loki struggled to keep his posture. He had done this many, many times before but it was difficult. He felt so stiff, not natural at all. He took the first step forward and Frigga opened her mouth next to him.

„Legs straight. Square your hips, and point your toes a little. Yes, keep your balance, Loki, good.“

He felt as if he was going to collapse.

„ _Breathe, darling._ “

So that was it. He took a deep breath and kept going under his mother's watchful eyes. He tripped behind the edge of the rug and felt his lips quivering. His eyes burned with unshed tears, his chest heaving uncomfortably. He was on the edge.

A small sob escaped his mouth and he ran.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

„I-I-I didn't mean to..! I'm s-sorry,“ Loki hiccupped, words getting tangled on his tongue as he tried to explain himself. His seidr had gotten out of control, nearly killing his brother on the training grounds.

He was kneeling on the marble floor, tears streaming from his eyes as he searched for hints from Odin's and Frigga's faces. „I-Is he alright? Is Thor well?! Mother, ple-ease tell me..!“ he begged, broken syllables falling from his mouth. „I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..“

Frigga only looked away, as Odin started. „Stand up straight, you're a prince! And stop wailing, your brother is fine.“

Loki scrambled on his feet, body rocking with sobs held inside. He could never understand why father had to speak to him with _that_ tone of his. It always made him feel uneasy and small.

He could hear mother trying to reason with Odin. „ _He is still just a child, it was an accident._ “

„ _He is a prince._ “

Suddenly he could hear no more and he felt himself drifting away.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

„I can't do it!“

Frigga sighed at the young prince's outburst. „Don't show your anger, a prince never does. You simply need to practice some more,“ she said, sliding the book of conjuring spells in front of Loki once again.

Loki scrunched his nose and reluctantly gave it another go. Most of the time he was a quick learner and could get a hang of difficult spells with a few tries but this particular charm was driving him up the walls. He also made it very clear by mumbling some harsher words at the book lying before him.

„Loki, darling, we have talked about the mumbling,“ his mother reminded with a soft sigh.

„I'm sorry.“ The prince hung his head low - he hated disappointing his mother. He had been reassured several times that this was not the case but that little nagging voice in his head convinced him otherwise.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

Over the years, Loki's behaviour changed. He had noticed how Odin gave all the attention he could from besides ruling Asgard to Thor. Frigga had also claimed that she had nearly nothing to teach him anymore. He had read every book on spells at least once and had mastered most of the glamours. Anything new he found, he taught himself. That meant days spent alone in the library or the garden with no one to accompany him. Loki wouldn't admit it but he felt lonely.

This was why he had started seeking attention from anyone, really. The guards, the maids, his brother. Mostly his brother. Thor had seen Loki's pranks up close many times before but now they were getting more frequent. Loki used every chance he got, on the training grounds, at feasts, Hel, even in Thor's private chambers. He got in trouble when caught – which didn't happen often of course – but with every discovered act of mischief, more eyes started following him around. He convinced himself that this was okay. He wanted change and he got that.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

„What?“ his voice seemed small in the enormous throne room.

„You heard me, Thor will be crowned coming week,“ said the Allfather simply.

Something twisted in Loki's stomach, and he wanted to run and hide. He stood straighter than before, shoulders back, elbows out, stomach in and neck long. The look in his eyes shifted into something unreadable.

„And you,“ Odin started, staring down at Loki. „Who has learned all about being a prince, will help him on his journey.“

„No.“

Odin's eye flashed confusion and then rage. „What?“

„No,“ the prince repeated with a haughty smirk and strutted out of the room.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

„I could've done it father! I could've done it..! For you! For all of us!“

„No, Loki.“

And he let go.

Falling into the deep dark abyss wasn't hard for him. It was more like finding peace at last. He closed his eyes and let himself float down, down, down.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

He wandered. Space was enormous and he had barely scratched the surface. He found his body to be more resistant to the cold of the empty vacuum and he couldn't decide if he was positively surprised or maddeningly distressed upon the discovery.

He survived. And with that, he was left alone with his thoughts for a very long time. He had ended up in strange places, the existence of those previously unknown to him. He had met creatures he thought he would've been better off not meeting. There was no way for him to know what more fate would have in stock for him.

In the meantime, Loki gradually tumbled down the never-ending spiral of his thoughts. His mind kept going back to the _why_ s. Every day he tried to think of a reason why Odin had taken him to Asgard. Every other day he wondered why it had to be him. Every hour he kept asking himself, did he really deserve it. And then he realised. He didn't. All the pain, the toll his childhood had taken on his mental health, he was strong enough to handle it. He was more than strong enough. But why should only he be the one to suffer from the consequences of the Allfather's bad decisions?

„You're right, you shouldn't be.“

⋯ ♢ ⋯

He needs to do well. He needs to do well. _He needs to do well._

The only thought circling Loki's mind was the need to behave good. To be good for Him. He had to find it. He slumped against the wall of the cave in a moment of weakness as his knees buckled under him. The heat was getting to him. Loki's cheeks were flushed, beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. He couldn't afford to take a break even though the hot, dry air of the planet forced him closer to the ground with every other step. _Where is it?_

Loki coughed. His lungs felt as if they were on fire. But He was waiting. Another step forward and his eyes caught sight of something radiant. It seemed to glow.. blue. He never said anything about what it should look like. What is should _feel_ like. Loki could only guess it was the right thing. His trembling fingers reached out to it, his brows furrowing as the thing did nothing. It felt like glass. A surge of power coursed through him and his grasp tightened around the cube until it shattered. But he couldn't care less. He could only feel horror for what was about to happen.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

The pain was almost unbearable.

_Don't drag your feet._

Ragged breaths left Loki's mouth as he hurriedly limped his way towards the car that was supposed to get them out of the building.

_Stand straight, don't slump._

Midgard was different from what he had imagined but the people there were just as simple and so very easy to control as he had guessed. If only he weren't so tired. His muscles ached and he was quite sure the ache reached his bones. He needed to finish this mission as soon as possible or the results of his failure will end him.

_Hold your head up._

He had failed. Got himself captured by the Earth's defenders. Mere humans. They were tiny and their powers were simple. But he was spent. Loki's head sagged to the side where he sat in his confines. He could sleep here. Here he would be safe. His eyes opened wide, blue glow flashing over his irises. He would find him, He would find Loki wherever he was. He would find him and there would be consequences.

„You must let me go,“ Loki said, panic slowly bubbling up inside as the blue glow disappeared and the bright green of his eyes re-emerged.

„And risk you wreaking havoc on Earth again? No,“ answered the Man of Iron, Tony Stark.

Loki's mind ran a million thoughts per second. He couldn't stay here. He had failed and it hadn't been the plan. A shiver ran down his spine and now his mind was set on getting out and finishing the mission, no matter how difficult. Loki groaned softly as his head jerked and his previous goal transformed into the need to hide. Suddenly he had no idea where he was or why he was there. His head throbbed and felt like it was going to split in two. As if there were two powers in him, trying to fight for superiority over his mind. _When will this end?_

⋯ ♢ ⋯

It was good to be home. Prison wasn't anything like his old chambers, but at least it wasn't His. He had a bed, a bedside table, books – _lots of books_ , courtesy of Frigga – and that was already more than Loki had had in the past years. And finally, he was safe. There were other prisoners all around him of course, but they were not a threat. Not to him. His seidr was a little weak but only because he was exhausted. He had been fighting for so long. And now he could rest.

Loki was still mad and indecisive about his past trials and sufferings, though. Now when he was alone, he had time to ponder, and who could blame him for letting his thoughts run wild. Questions he had had after he fell from the Bifrost still circled his mind, now accompanied by all the ones that came after. He just wanted some _peace,_ but apparently, being him, it was simply not possible.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

The blood on his hands will never wear off. Loki's hands were never going to be clean. He knew that. Thor knew that. He had killed strangers, nearly killed his own, and he had killed parts of himself. He only did so to survive, it had been necessary at the time, and he couldn't be the only one to act like that. He was sure Thor had lost parts of himself over the years as well.

He had to stop trying to find excuses for his behaviour. It was in his nature – to be a trickster, to be a troublemaker, to be manipulative and to have a silver tongue. He was called the God of Mischief for a reason after all. But where did he stand on the standards of Jotunheim, that he did not know.

„Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.“

„That's exactly what I was thinking.“

Loki would be lying if he said he wasn't hurt.

⋯ ♢ ⋯

The ship was on fire. The people were dead. Loki gulped down whatever air was left inside the hot room as he sneaked behind the remains of the once safe and unbroken spaceship. He could hear them. He could hear Him and the sound of His voice sent streaks of terror down his spine, made his steps falter and fingers tremble with the want to run away. To escape and never turn back. His chest heaving, Loki pressed his back against the wall and waited for the right moment to interrupt. After all that had happened, he couldn't leave, no matter how much he wanted to.

_Breathe, darling._

Loki stepped out. „If I might interject..“

It was working. He was listening. All of them were – listening and halting in shock. He couldn't stop now. Damage had been done. He needed to finish whatever he had started. There was no backing out now. _I'm sorry, mother. I will fix everything._ He stepped forward.

„Almighty Thanos.“

_Elbows out._

„I, Loki..“

_Stomach in._

„ ..prince of Asgard..“

_Fingers relaxed._

„ ..Odinson..“

_Long neck._

„ ..the rightful king of Jotunheim..“

_Higher._

„ ..God of Mischief..“

_Higher._

„ ..do hereby pledge to you..“

_Higher._

„ ..my undying fidelity.“

⋯ ♢ ⋯

_Was this truly the end?_

**Author's Note:**

> Is it the end then?
> 
> This, my good readers, is up to you to decide. I hope you had a great time (as great as one can have while reading angst I suppose) and got some thoughts to ponder over from my view on Loki's life.
> 
> If you liked it, please don't hesitate to leave kudos and comments (comments are much welcomed, please let me know your thoughts)!
> 
> I have plans for more fics in the near future as well, but I guess we'll see. In the meantime, stay positive and healthy, we will get through it.
> 
> Warm wishes,  
> Author.


End file.
